The call to holiness is tough but, all worth it in the end. St. Paul admonishes us in Scripture that, “Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God” (2 Corinthians 7:1). This call is for us to be holy, to become the greatest saints possible. It is a call that calls everyone to be holy. In our relationships, we are to call each other on in purity. It is the job of both partners in a relationship to lead each other to holiness and ultimately to lead each other to heaven. Through pure love, chastity is actively affirmed. Yet, living a pure life can be difficult when one has entered into a relationship. Still, the life we choose to live will affect us in the future especially in regards to ones’ purity. In order for one to grow in holiness one must grow in purity; chastity is the way to grow in purity. In order for chastity to grow in this call to holiness: one must understand the true meaning of chastity , what is the opposite of chastity, and how chastity is actively affirming ones’ own chastity.
Many times chastity is observed in a negative way, but one needs to understand chastity as the secret to free and true love. Chastity must be seen in new eyes as with Jason Evert’s If You Really Loved Me: “It means having the strength to use your sexuality according to God’s plan.”[1] Evert also states, “The world looks at chastity and sees repression: a dull and frigid lifestyle.”[2] One can see the reason chastity has a stigma. Our world tells us to forget about chastity, but we cannot abandon it. In Karol Wojtyla’s Love and Responsibility, chastity is defined differently: “Chastity can only be thought of in association with the virtue of love. Its function is to free love from the utilitarian attitude”[3]. Chastity is not often looked at as the way God intended it to be. In order for chastity to be looked at differently, one must look at it further with the virtue of love. Some see it as an extensive inventory of “thou shalt nots”. Wojtyla explains, “Chastity is very often understood as a ‘blind’ inhibition of sensuality and of physical impulses …”[4] Thus, it is easy for one to view chastity as negative. Wojtyla continues, “For this reason, chastity is a difficult, long term matter, one must wait patiently for it to bear fruit, for the happiness of loving kindness which it must bring. But at the same time, chastity is the sure way to happiness.”[5] From this one can see the task that chastity presents for one to endure. However, following chastity will lead one ultimately to the purest of love and happiness. The definitions help one to see the true meaning of chastity; furthermore, this will lead one to actively affirm chastity.
In order for one to actively affirm chastity one needs to know the meaning of chastity. The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines chastity as:
From this one can see that chastity is a virtue and a gift to be shared and not taken. The virtue is specifically tied to temperance as the Catechism explains, “The virtue of chastity comes under the cardinal virtue of temperance, which seeks to permeate the passions and appetites of the senses with reason.”[7] It is clear to see chastity being defined as a cardinal virtue of temperance. The Catechism also gives an understanding for the principle of chastity: “Chastity presupposes respect for the rights of the person, in particular the right to receive information and an education that respect the moral and spiritual dimensions of human life.”[8] This explains chastity as a virtue and a gift that commands the respect of rights of personal boundaries. When the rights are respected both grow in the spiritual element together. Chastity can promptly be defined as virtue, gift, and respect. From these definitions it is clear that one can draw closer to actively affirming chastity in ones’ relationship.
According to my first article, chastity is continued to be defined as a virtue. Andrew Alderson the executive director of the Couple to Couple League gives a decent explanation of the virtue of chastity in his article Chastity is a beautiful virtue, for single and married people. In order to understand exactly where Alderson is coming from, he gives us a definition of chastity: “Chastity, which involves purity of the heart, mind and action, is an expression of love for your spouse, whether you already know that person, or someday hope to meet that person. Chastity means as much in marriage as it does outside Marriage.”[9] This quote is important because it explains the essence of chastity. Alderson further explains how chastity is not just for single couples, but it continues throughout married life as well. He writes, “The culture, if it respects chastity at all, certainly does not apply it to married couples. But chastity, of course, is a life-long virtue”[10]. Alderson writes about how our culture ridicules those who are in a relationship or who are single and practicing abstinence. It is counter cultural to be virtuous through chastity, especially in today’s culture. From these examples one can see chastity being defined as a virtue for those who are single, in relationships, and lived out marriage, thus another step in drawing closer to actively affirming chastity in ones’ relationship.
Now that chastity has been defined as a virtue, one must have a deeper understanding of the different meanings in the virtue of chastity. In the second article the virtue of chastity is dissected it into other virtues, as one looks at being prudent and showing justice. James Keenan in Virtue ethics and sexual ethics gives us an example of chastity being dissected: “Christian chastity is particularly important in engaging those who are growing to realize that the gift of sexuality requires a great deal of appreciation and prudential reflection and that the innate inclination to realize sexual desires needs to be checked by realistic appraisal of one’s own maturity and the willingness to commit to another.”[11] This explains that the virtue of chastity is split into prudence to show justice. Keenan writes:
Many times chastity is observed in a negative way, but one needs to understand chastity as the secret to free and true love. Chastity must be seen in new eyes as with Jason Evert’s If You Really Loved Me: “It means having the strength to use your sexuality according to God’s plan.”[1] Evert also states, “The world looks at chastity and sees repression: a dull and frigid lifestyle.”[2] One can see the reason chastity has a stigma. Our world tells us to forget about chastity, but we cannot abandon it. In Karol Wojtyla’s Love and Responsibility, chastity is defined differently: “Chastity can only be thought of in association with the virtue of love. Its function is to free love from the utilitarian attitude”[3]. Chastity is not often looked at as the way God intended it to be. In order for chastity to be looked at differently, one must look at it further with the virtue of love. Some see it as an extensive inventory of “thou shalt nots”. Wojtyla explains, “Chastity is very often understood as a ‘blind’ inhibition of sensuality and of physical impulses …”[4] Thus, it is easy for one to view chastity as negative. Wojtyla continues, “For this reason, chastity is a difficult, long term matter, one must wait patiently for it to bear fruit, for the happiness of loving kindness which it must bring. But at the same time, chastity is the sure way to happiness.”[5] From this one can see the task that chastity presents for one to endure. However, following chastity will lead one ultimately to the purest of love and happiness. The definitions help one to see the true meaning of chastity; furthermore, this will lead one to actively affirm chastity.
In order for one to actively affirm chastity one needs to know the meaning of chastity. The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines chastity as:
Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being. Sexuality, in which man's belonging to the bodily and biological world is expressed, becomes personal and truly human when it is integrated into the relationship of one person to another, in the complete and lifelong mutual gift of a man and a woman. The virtue of chastity therefore involves the integrity of the person and the integrability of the gift.[6]
According to my first article, chastity is continued to be defined as a virtue. Andrew Alderson the executive director of the Couple to Couple League gives a decent explanation of the virtue of chastity in his article Chastity is a beautiful virtue, for single and married people. In order to understand exactly where Alderson is coming from, he gives us a definition of chastity: “Chastity, which involves purity of the heart, mind and action, is an expression of love for your spouse, whether you already know that person, or someday hope to meet that person. Chastity means as much in marriage as it does outside Marriage.”[9] This quote is important because it explains the essence of chastity. Alderson further explains how chastity is not just for single couples, but it continues throughout married life as well. He writes, “The culture, if it respects chastity at all, certainly does not apply it to married couples. But chastity, of course, is a life-long virtue”[10]. Alderson writes about how our culture ridicules those who are in a relationship or who are single and practicing abstinence. It is counter cultural to be virtuous through chastity, especially in today’s culture. From these examples one can see chastity being defined as a virtue for those who are single, in relationships, and lived out marriage, thus another step in drawing closer to actively affirming chastity in ones’ relationship.
Now that chastity has been defined as a virtue, one must have a deeper understanding of the different meanings in the virtue of chastity. In the second article the virtue of chastity is dissected it into other virtues, as one looks at being prudent and showing justice. James Keenan in Virtue ethics and sexual ethics gives us an example of chastity being dissected: “Christian chastity is particularly important in engaging those who are growing to realize that the gift of sexuality requires a great deal of appreciation and prudential reflection and that the innate inclination to realize sexual desires needs to be checked by realistic appraisal of one’s own maturity and the willingness to commit to another.”[11] This explains that the virtue of chastity is split into prudence to show justice. Keenan writes:
First justice as applied to sexual ethics is really about each of us learning to appreciate the other person as possessing a dignity that belongs to being human and being in the image of God. In sexual relation, justice always prompts us to see the other as subject, not as object; leads us to recognize the importance of never taking advantage of another to fulfill our own desires or needs; and, therefore, requires that we see the person to whom we are attracted as a person with a dignity that cannot be compromised. [12]
This quote gives one an understanding of justice in reference to sexual ethics. Justice is the key element to make one’s relationship as an equal and to give the utmost dignity to see each other as images of the Father and looking at each other as person to person not as person to object. It is justice that calls us on to holiness in our relationships.
The next virtue of chastity is self –care, this helps one to realize the importance one might not be ready to give oneself to another just yet. Keenan writes, “Those who enter sexual relationships before they are capable of sustaining them do harm to other and to themselves”. [13] This quote helps one to understand the importance of self –care. One who cares about their relationship should care enough to preserve the gift that each person has to offer the other. Keenan continues with “Younger people are encourage to delay sexual experiences not because sex is bad, but because sexual relationships are demanding and require a maturity that engages not only justice and fidelity but self as well”.[14] This helps one understand the Church’s teaching on pre –marital sex though self-care. From these examples it clear to see the different virtues in which chastity holds. Using these different examples of virtues of chastity will lead to drawing closer in actively affirming chastity in ones relationship.
In providing examples of the opposite of chastity one can help one further understand how to actively affirm chastity. Chastity is selfless, the true meaning of love, the example of the opposite is found in scripture:
The next virtue of chastity is self –care, this helps one to realize the importance one might not be ready to give oneself to another just yet. Keenan writes, “Those who enter sexual relationships before they are capable of sustaining them do harm to other and to themselves”. [13] This quote helps one to understand the importance of self –care. One who cares about their relationship should care enough to preserve the gift that each person has to offer the other. Keenan continues with “Younger people are encourage to delay sexual experiences not because sex is bad, but because sexual relationships are demanding and require a maturity that engages not only justice and fidelity but self as well”.[14] This helps one understand the Church’s teaching on pre –marital sex though self-care. From these examples it clear to see the different virtues in which chastity holds. Using these different examples of virtues of chastity will lead to drawing closer in actively affirming chastity in ones relationship.
In providing examples of the opposite of chastity one can help one further understand how to actively affirm chastity. Chastity is selfless, the true meaning of love, the example of the opposite is found in scripture:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1Chor 13: 4-7).
From this passage it is clear to see the opposite of love and chastity as jealously, pride, selfish, wrath, and deceitful. Christopher West explains the opposite of love as lust: “Lust impels people very powerfully towards physical intimacy.”[15] “But if this grows out of nothing more than lust it is not love.”[16] From this it’s clear to see the opposite of love and chastity. The Catechism also gives examples of the offense of Chastity, “Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.”[17] From this example it is clear to see that lust is a direct offense of chastity, murders pure love, pure chastity, thus is the opposite of chastity. Another example is “Fornication is carnal union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. It is gravely contrary to the dignity of persons and of human sexuality which is naturally ordered to the good of spouses and the generation and education of children.”[18] One is able to see the opposition in fornication from this quote. Furthermore, if chastity speaks about the “integrity of the person and the integrality of the gift” [19] then fornication removes its self as the gift of chastity. Chastity is stripped away and all is left the “carnal union” or nothing at all. My final example of the offense of chastity is Pornography. The Catechism teaches, “Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other.”[20]
Finally, now that one has good definitions that define chastity and the offenses of chastity one can actively affirm it. Katie Allen gives one an understanding of how to actively affirm chastity in her article Everything But All the Way, she writes about her impure past relationships with Christian guys. Allen wrote her previous paragraphs about her fall. With a fall there is always redemption, there is always hope. Allen explains how she was picked up started anew and gives examples of actively affirming chastity. She writes how she was invited to “Campus Crusade for Christ”[21]. As she continued to attend, her friendship with Betsy grew so much that she joined Betsy in an accountability group. From this one can see that one way to actively affirm chastity is by joining an accountability group to help pray for you and your relationship. When Allen joined the Campus Crusade, she took time off from dating. She wrote about asking herself a question that everyone needs to ask, “Was he pursuing Jesus or just pursuing me?”[22] This is a great question to ask oneself when actively affirm chastity. Many couples can forget to ask themselves this very question of whom are they really pursuing. One can see this question being very fruitful if only more couples asked it. This question puts into the heart of a couple the reality of being in a relationship.
Scripture is a great indispensable tool for actively affirming chastity. For as St. Paul warns us, “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry” (Colossians 3:5). This helps to understand what is required to first rid what is not holy in order to actively affirm chastity. St. Paul also tells us, “So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature “(Galatians 5:16-17). The Holy Spirit, when called upon, helps us conquers the desire of impurity. Along with scripture there are other ways to affirm chastity. One way is to join E5men.org which is form, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5: 25). The most humbling part about this is that you fast every first Wednesday of the month. According to E5men.org, “By making this sacrifice for the women in our lives we live out the essence of the gospel through a very particular act of self denial.” [23] This quote gives the pathos for a person to understand how one can actively affirm chastity. Another great website to affirm chastity is settingcaptivesfree.com. According to settingcaptivesfree.com, “You have arrived at the Setting Captives Free The Way of Purity course, the 60-Day interactive course that will teach you to enjoy a new found relationship with the Lord and how to find freedom from sexual impurity.”[24] This website is another great way to actively affirm chastity. It also gives hope to those who struggle with purity and chastity. From these examples one can now - with the grace of God - live chastity out and actively affirm it.
Just to be clear, there is always hope for everyone. Purity and chastity is definitely a hard lifestyle. I can remember a year ago when it was not a challenge for me. I really did not struggle with it because there was no woman in my life. I can also remember my boss telling me: “ you are blessed in purity because you don’t have a girlfriend. Rejoice in the purity and stop worrying about not having a girlfriend. Once you are blessed with the woman God gives you, be careful !” I never thought it would be this difficult to with fight for true love, purity and chastity. I wear a chastity ring that reminds me of the gift I hold for my future spouse. Chastity is a gift from God ; given it away too soon can be damaging. It is like ruining your own surprise party. This article is not for me to boast about me being pure, rather its for me to reflect on how much more I need to strive and live it. Up till now, I have been praying like St. Augustine, “Lord make chaste , just not yet.” I once heard a wise man say: “ On your knees in prayer is the only way to fight for her.” My prayer needs to be, “Lord, I surrender my purity to you. Holy Spirit as a man of God, give me the strength to protect my purity. Give me the strength to pursue her, fight for her, and delight in her. Not just pursuing ,fighting , and delighting in her, but ultimately pursuing ,fighting , and delighting in you Jesus. For in doing so, my relationship will be one that is holy and acceptable to you. Mother, please guide me in purity. Please wrap my future spouse and I in your Mantle and protect us from the lies of this world. St. Joseph Most Chaste Spouse lead me in being a true man, as my model Knight, lead me to holiness, that I may lead my future spouse too. Amen."
[1] Jason Evert. If You Really Loved Me 100 Questions on Dating, Relationships, and Sexual Purity . Cincinnati: St.
Anthony Messenger press, (2008): 15.
[2] Evert. 20.
[3] Karol Wojtyla. Love & Responsiblility . Ignatius Press, (1993): 169.
[4]Wojtyla. 170.
[5] Wojtylal . 172.
[6] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2337.
[7] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2341.
[8] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2344.
[9] Andrew Alderson. "Chastity is a beatiful virtue, for single and married people." Family Foundations (2009): 5.
[10] Alderson 5.
[11] James F. Keenan. "Virtue ethics and sexual ethics." Theology Digest (2006): 251 .
[12] Keenan 256.
[13] Keenan 258.
[14] Keenan 258
[15] Christopher West. "Created And Redeemed Study Guide." (2004): 25.
[16] Cf. Wojtyla. 150-151.
[17] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2351.
[18] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2353.
[19] Cf. C.C.C 2337.
[20] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2354..
[21] Katie Allen, “Everything But All the Way”, Ignite Your Faith 65.9 (June – July 2007): 44..
[22] Allen 45.
[23] E5men.org (2009)..
[24] http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/ (2009) .
From this passage it is clear to see the opposite of love and chastity as jealously, pride, selfish, wrath, and deceitful. Christopher West explains the opposite of love as lust: “Lust impels people very powerfully towards physical intimacy.”[15] “But if this grows out of nothing more than lust it is not love.”[16] From this it’s clear to see the opposite of love and chastity. The Catechism also gives examples of the offense of Chastity, “Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.”[17] From this example it is clear to see that lust is a direct offense of chastity, murders pure love, pure chastity, thus is the opposite of chastity. Another example is “Fornication is carnal union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. It is gravely contrary to the dignity of persons and of human sexuality which is naturally ordered to the good of spouses and the generation and education of children.”[18] One is able to see the opposition in fornication from this quote. Furthermore, if chastity speaks about the “integrity of the person and the integrality of the gift” [19] then fornication removes its self as the gift of chastity. Chastity is stripped away and all is left the “carnal union” or nothing at all. My final example of the offense of chastity is Pornography. The Catechism teaches, “Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other.”[20]
Finally, now that one has good definitions that define chastity and the offenses of chastity one can actively affirm it. Katie Allen gives one an understanding of how to actively affirm chastity in her article Everything But All the Way, she writes about her impure past relationships with Christian guys. Allen wrote her previous paragraphs about her fall. With a fall there is always redemption, there is always hope. Allen explains how she was picked up started anew and gives examples of actively affirming chastity. She writes how she was invited to “Campus Crusade for Christ”[21]. As she continued to attend, her friendship with Betsy grew so much that she joined Betsy in an accountability group. From this one can see that one way to actively affirm chastity is by joining an accountability group to help pray for you and your relationship. When Allen joined the Campus Crusade, she took time off from dating. She wrote about asking herself a question that everyone needs to ask, “Was he pursuing Jesus or just pursuing me?”[22] This is a great question to ask oneself when actively affirm chastity. Many couples can forget to ask themselves this very question of whom are they really pursuing. One can see this question being very fruitful if only more couples asked it. This question puts into the heart of a couple the reality of being in a relationship.
Scripture is a great indispensable tool for actively affirming chastity. For as St. Paul warns us, “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry” (Colossians 3:5). This helps to understand what is required to first rid what is not holy in order to actively affirm chastity. St. Paul also tells us, “So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature “(Galatians 5:16-17). The Holy Spirit, when called upon, helps us conquers the desire of impurity. Along with scripture there are other ways to affirm chastity. One way is to join E5men.org which is form, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5: 25). The most humbling part about this is that you fast every first Wednesday of the month. According to E5men.org, “By making this sacrifice for the women in our lives we live out the essence of the gospel through a very particular act of self denial.” [23] This quote gives the pathos for a person to understand how one can actively affirm chastity. Another great website to affirm chastity is settingcaptivesfree.com. According to settingcaptivesfree.com, “You have arrived at the Setting Captives Free The Way of Purity course, the 60-Day interactive course that will teach you to enjoy a new found relationship with the Lord and how to find freedom from sexual impurity.”[24] This website is another great way to actively affirm chastity. It also gives hope to those who struggle with purity and chastity. From these examples one can now - with the grace of God - live chastity out and actively affirm it.
Just to be clear, there is always hope for everyone. Purity and chastity is definitely a hard lifestyle. I can remember a year ago when it was not a challenge for me. I really did not struggle with it because there was no woman in my life. I can also remember my boss telling me: “ you are blessed in purity because you don’t have a girlfriend. Rejoice in the purity and stop worrying about not having a girlfriend. Once you are blessed with the woman God gives you, be careful !” I never thought it would be this difficult to with fight for true love, purity and chastity. I wear a chastity ring that reminds me of the gift I hold for my future spouse. Chastity is a gift from God ; given it away too soon can be damaging. It is like ruining your own surprise party. This article is not for me to boast about me being pure, rather its for me to reflect on how much more I need to strive and live it. Up till now, I have been praying like St. Augustine, “Lord make chaste , just not yet.” I once heard a wise man say: “ On your knees in prayer is the only way to fight for her.” My prayer needs to be, “Lord, I surrender my purity to you. Holy Spirit as a man of God, give me the strength to protect my purity. Give me the strength to pursue her, fight for her, and delight in her. Not just pursuing ,fighting , and delighting in her, but ultimately pursuing ,fighting , and delighting in you Jesus. For in doing so, my relationship will be one that is holy and acceptable to you. Mother, please guide me in purity. Please wrap my future spouse and I in your Mantle and protect us from the lies of this world. St. Joseph Most Chaste Spouse lead me in being a true man, as my model Knight, lead me to holiness, that I may lead my future spouse too. Amen."
[1] Jason Evert. If You Really Loved Me 100 Questions on Dating, Relationships, and Sexual Purity . Cincinnati: St.
Anthony Messenger press, (2008): 15.
[2] Evert. 20.
[3] Karol Wojtyla. Love & Responsiblility . Ignatius Press, (1993): 169.
[4]Wojtyla. 170.
[5] Wojtylal . 172.
[6] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2337.
[7] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2341.
[8] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2344.
[9] Andrew Alderson. "Chastity is a beatiful virtue, for single and married people." Family Foundations (2009): 5.
[10] Alderson 5.
[11] James F. Keenan. "Virtue ethics and sexual ethics." Theology Digest (2006): 251 .
[12] Keenan 256.
[13] Keenan 258.
[14] Keenan 258
[15] Christopher West. "Created And Redeemed Study Guide." (2004): 25.
[16] Cf. Wojtyla. 150-151.
[17] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2351.
[18] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2353.
[19] Cf. C.C.C 2337.
[20] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2354..
[21] Katie Allen, “Everything But All the Way”, Ignite Your Faith 65.9 (June – July 2007): 44..
[22] Allen 45.
[23] E5men.org (2009)..
[24] http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/ (2009) .
Telemachus was a monk that lived in Asia in the fourth century. He felt an inner voice from the Lord to go to Rome, but didn't know why. He went anyway. He saw crowds going into the Coliseum, so he followed. He saw two gladiators fighting to the death, so he jumped down and tried to stop them but he kept getting knocked down by the gladiators. On the third time one of the gladiators ran his sword thru Telemachus and for the third time said "In the name of Christ, forbear", then he died. As the crowd saw Telemachus lying there in a pool of blood, there was silence and one by one the Coliseum emptied. Never again was there another gladiator fight.
